Family Prays for Fiancé in Carlton Reserve

The Carlton Reserve, a residential subdivision in the city of Melbourne, has been transformed into a search party for Gabby Petito’s fiancé. The police have deployed 50 officers to find him and have refused to comment on their progress so far. Residents are being advised that there is no need to panic as this is just a missing person’s case.

“This is not the first time he has disappeared, so we are sure there’s nothing to worry about,” said an unnamed officer. “We were called in last year when Mrs Petito reported him missing on New Year’s Eve. She claimed that she had dropped him off at the casino and that he never returned.”

It was later discovered that Mr Petito had spent the night at his mistress, Anna Noggle’s country house. He left early the next day and caught a taxi to Flemington Racecourse where he met Mrs Petito for lunch. “I just feel so silly,” said Mrs Petito.

“My husband is a terrible gambler and every year he goes missing on New Year’s Eve, which is also when I choose to have our wedding anniversary. He’s done it for the last five years too! We just fell in love with this place when we came here that time, but then his mistress found out about it, so now we have to go somewhere else.”

A recent poll conducted by The Carlton Reserves Neighbourhood Group found that 83% of residents would not trust their partners if they were in the same situation. “I have a secret family in Thailand,” said one resident who declined to be named. “My husband is the only one who knows. If he ever disappeared, I wouldn’t care as long as I know that my kids will be okay and have enough money to go to university.”

The search for Mr Petito continues. Meanwhile, Anna Noggle has been given a restraining order by a judge in the Victorian Supreme Court to stay at least 500 metres away from the Carlton Reserve. She was also ordered to pay $300,000 of Mr Petito’s legal fees as compensation for ruining his marriage and secretly recording their sexual encounters without his knowledge.